Sunday, 31 January 2010

Solving relationship problems

It’s one of the main topics of love advice: relationship problems. In fact, with all the tips and hints out there, you’d think solving problems in a relationship requires scientific formula you need a PhD to understand.

The reality is, though, when you catch problems early and use plenty of patience and fairness, there are only a few steps you need to take to get things straightened out.

Identify the cause

Sometimes the cause of trouble in a relationship is obvious. It might be problems with money, the kids, or a certain habit one of you has that really irks the other. A lot of the time, though, there’s just a niggling sense that something isn’t right. Maybe there’s less romance, less physical affection, and a feeling of growing apart. In cases like this, you’ll need to look a little deeper to figure out what the root of your problem really is. Knowing this will make it a lot easier to use love advice: relationship problems don’t all have the same cause.

Pick your battles

Give some serious thought to whether the problem is really worth bringing up. You may decide the fact that your partner routinely leaves wet towels on the floor or even occasionally pays a bill a day or two late isn’t something you want to rock the boat over. On the other hand, if something your partner does leaves you feeling hurt or rejected or is causing serious financial or social problems, it’s a good idea to bring the issue up. That way you won’t give resentment a chance to grow.


Time it right

If you’ve decided you really do need to talk about an issue, pick a good time (or at least not a really bad time). Just remember, when one of you is stressed out or tired is not a good time to start a discussion about a serious problem.

Don’t ambush your partner, either. Pouncing on them with a heavy issue just gives the conversation a confrontational edge from the outset. Instead of the old “We need to talk,” try something less confrontational like “Honey, do you have a couple minutes to talk about something?”

Be gentle

Winning is not be the goal here. The goal is improving—or in some cases, saving—the relationship. If one of you is impatient, harshly critical, insulting you both lose.

Of course, that doesn’t mean you need to talk to your partner like they’re a three-year-old. Just talk to them with the same level of respect you would
Although it may sound like “softy” love advice, relationship problems don’t generally improve when one partner is aggressive.

Accept your share of the blame

Over all, it’s better to focus on solving the problem rather than riding the “Who started it” merry-go-round. That said, you still need to accept that something about your own behavior may need to change, too. Listen to your partner’s side of the story with an open mind and be willing to negotiate fairly. Of course, you still need to keep your personal boundaries as far as not accepting physical or emotional abuse.

Although the steps above should help you work out most common problems, keep reading up on how to resolve conflict in your relationship so you’ll know how to handle any serious issues that may come along. When it comes to love advice, relationship problems are one of the hottest topics, so you shouldn’t have any trouble finding some good tips.

Are you romantic?

Being a man and being labeled a romantic is not always desirable. Or is it? Just because you like pampering your lady doesn't mean that you are any less a man than any other man. You can spend your day finishing your basement, working on your car, just getting your hands dirty so to speak but at the end of that day there's nothing quite like the look of love and care on your significant others face when you cook an impromptu dinner for her. And the benefits of what happens after dinner, or even before you get dinner done, far outweigh any negative connotations being labeled a romantic have.

Being a romantic man is not that hard. In most cases it's the little things that women notice. A glance, a quick touch or brush across her back. Sure, flowers are nice, but haven't they almost become a cliché. That's not to say women don't like flowers because they do, but if that's all you've got then it will only go so far. You have to mix it up, change your style and use your imagination to create romantic moments for the woman you love.

And here's the most important thing to remember. If you truly know her and what her likes and dislikes are then it's easy. Think of something built around something she likes to do. Does she like shopping (not something men even like to think about much less do), fine dining, walks on a beach, watching movies and the list goes on. It's all about doing something she likes with her. And the fringe benefits of doing this are the only reward you will need.

Now here's a little hint. While it seems like you may be doing something you don't necessarily like to do that's not really true. Let's look at the shopping example. And when I say take her shopping it means shopping for her. Don't go to the local home remodeling center, you might find yourself sleeping in the dog house for a few nights. Remember, this is romance.

You take a day to go clothes shopping for her. This is about her, but it is also for you because the idea is to go to the more upscale type of shops. Why? Because you are looking for clothes that she looks good in, that she will ask your opinion on as she models it for you. Not only does she feel sexy but you can see that in how she moves and carries herself. And if by some chance you can guide her into a lingerie shop, well you just might be surprised when she lets you pick out something and she wears it that night at home, or if your really on your stuff, back at the hotel room (now there's an idea: a night away from home).

A romantic man is in a win-win situation. And the best thing is it can be allot of fun for both the man and the woman.

And women, if your reading this. We men like to be romanced to, but then you already knew that!

Has the internet revolutionised dating?

The Information and Technology Revolution has geared the net savvy to tap into internet resources that offers much promise. The ability to connect in an instant and the amount of information you can access at a click on the mouse is amazing. Activities of every kind are now available online and this includes the popular indulgence of online dating. This option offers people of all ages the ability to interact with persons of the opposite sex. This enables the possibility of dating, great relationship building and even marriage.

Online dating sites offer access to a number of prospects that are matched up to your personality via the information you provide while signing in as a member of the site. Once you sign in, you can take your pick and experiment. However, it is important to note that the people you interact with online are complete strangers. You have to use your discretion and never reveal all just because you think the person is perfect for you. For online dating to be a success, you need to follow the rules. If you are careful, the interactions via online dating could culminate in good and lasting relationships via the information shared in the chat rooms.

When your profile is matched, always initially indulge in some very casual enquiries and sum up the person from day 1. If you feel that the profile simply builds on the basics in good time, by the time you share ‘how you spend your weekends’ and ‘your dream holiday destination’, you should be ready to meet. The meeting should always be in a social setting and amidst other friends of both. If you feel drawn to the person for the extended warmth and the conversation online, you can plan another meeting. Look for signs like unexpected and purposeful show of intimacy and the incessant need for another private meeting soon expressed by the person. These are warning signals. A relationship, a good one at that, is always based on compatibility and trust and a great comfort level. The moment you sense that one of you is causing the other to feel stifled, you should reconsider.

Online dating offers people from around the world opportunities to interact with others beyond any geographical constraints. This unveils a whole world of opportunity for anyone including loners and the older singles. If the connectivity is put to good use, it can optimize your chances of getting into a relationship that has the elements of mystery, charm and trust, depending on how far you want to go. The adventure aspect of such a proposition is very alluring and the do’s and don’ts are clear for any level headed individual to see and act by. Online dating sites enable you to upload the information you wish to share and strike contact almost instantaneously in the chat rooms. There are many people who swear by the success ratio of online dating because of the healthy relationships they enjoy. There are a few upsets as well, but if you weigh the pros and cons, you realize that discretion and caution are the two magic mantras of online dating.

Saturday, 30 January 2010

How to write a good dating profile

Registering on an online dating website is only the first step in the process of finding true love online. The next and possibly the most important step in the process is to write up your profile.

Are you sure about how to put together a profile for the dating website that will attract people to your profile? Are you aware of what you should write about and what is worth leaving out? This guide to writing your profile for a fellowship site will give you a good push in the right direction.

The first question that you need to ask yourself is this: Why are you writing your personal dating website profile?

Tackling your profile for one of these sites can be challenging if you do not know what you are looking for when it comes to dating online. The foremost important concept is to be clear about why you are writing a personal profile for a date in the first place.

Are you writing dating profile for fun and pleasure? Are you looking to lure just potential dates? Or are you trying to catch a potential suitor so that you can be married? This may sound cold and scheming but it’s important.

The reason why you are creating an online profile in the first place is the first detail that should determine how you write your profile. If you want your profile to be interesting and inviting, then you need to be able to attract the people who are a good match for you.

When you have decided to finally bite the bullet and write your online dating website profile, you should hold back the need to feel embarrassed and simply pour your heart out into the perfect profile. If you want people to become enamored by you, you should be frank, honest and upfront. Don't include a lot of irrelevant details, but do make a point to talk about yourself in enough details that likeminded people on the same online dating website will be intrigued by you and want to learn more information.

Writing the perfect online dating website profile begins with taking an inventory of what makes you unique and interesting. Everyone is one of a kind, but it is hard to show people what makes you one of a kind unless you can create a profile that shows why.

What makes you unique? What makes you tick? Why are you different from everyone else on the internet, or everyone else in the world? Describe everything you find important, like your ambitions, your dreams, your desires and your attitudes. Talk about your most important likes and dislikes, turn ons and turnoffs (not necessarily in bed), and any other details you can think of in order to give an accurate picture of who you are and what you're all about.

This is the best way to create an online dating website profile that will attract people to you and give you a variety of interesting new people to talk to online.

Why is dating so expensive?

Perhaps the best things in life are free. Looking back, the best dates I ever went on didn't cost much or anything at all.

Traditional dating can be expensive; dinner, which can easily cost $40 or more. Follow that with a movie, which can run another $40 if you buy popcorn, drinks and candy. Suddenly you are close to a hundred dollar evening, and before you know it, all of your extra money for the month has been spent on a date.

Yet it doesn't have to cost so much. The best thing is that often, romance can be free. An afternoon spent hiking. Having a nice quiet picnic at a park or lake, an afternoon stroll through the forest; All wonderful dates, and they only cost you time.

Here are some more ideas:

An evening spent quietly at home. Cook your favorite dish or make it an adventure and try all new recipes. Watch movies, play a board game or a bottle of wine and the starry night sky.

Visit a local festival or art fair. Many towns and communities have local events, especially in the summer. It's a good opportunity to experience good food, entertainment and the outdoors.

Go camping. Most campgrounds offer free setups for tents. Spend the evening under the stars. Make smores and relax by the fire. Listen to the crickets. Often the best dates are those that you spend a lot of thought on not money. Anyone can spend money on dinner and a movie, and yet it is truly unique for someone to make a date to go to the farmer's market and pick out fresh produce for dinner.

First dates at times can be a little tense. Exchange the usual first-date feelings with a more relaxed atmosphere. Instead of the same old Friday or Saturday night first date, try instead a Sunday afternoon stroll through the park! Saturday afternoon ball games work just as well. Ask yourself how you can take the formality out of the situation. Always make sure that you look for activities where you can get to know each other -- that's what first dates are all about.

There are an endless amount of possibilities. Once you get to know her, you will find many different inexpensive date ideas. Even married couples can take advantage of frugal dating.

A date is much more than a dinner; it is spending time getting to know her. When you take the time to find unique ways to spend time together, that time becomes special. You could try something new every time with her or do the same thing every weekend. What really matters isn't the money you spend, it's the time. Have fun!

Friday, 29 January 2010

Get out of your dating rut

Whether you are actively dating or just getting back into dating, it is a world full of possibilities. However, most of us are creatures of habit and our patterns keep us in a dating box, searching for and dating the same types over and over.

Making contact online, you first have to find people that interest you by searching the dating website’s membership. Online the dating box is literal, as you have to fill in web forms to find potential dates. Most dating sites give you two ways to search – quick or advanced. Quick searches are just that – they’re small web forms that let you search based on just a few criteria, like location or age. Advanced searches are larger web forms that let you search using lots of more specific criteria, like hair color, eye color, education, body type and more.

Just remember that the more criteria that you use for your searches, the fewer results you’ll get. Searches are unforgiving – they’ll return exactly what you ask for. We call them “harsh numbers”. When you choose an age range of, let’s say, 30-39, the person who just turned 40 will not show up in the search results. If you want to find someone with light brown hair, those great dark brown haired people…like me…will be cast aside.

Also, many sites let you use keywords as part of the search criteria. This allows a search for words in a member’s profile that match your areas of interest. You can search specifically for words like “tennis”, “skiing”, or something else. This lets you be super-specific if you wish.

Although you want to find someone that attracts you and that you share things in common, don’t limit yourself to what you think is “your type”. After all, the “type” that you have gone for in the past might have not worked out. Think “outside your box”. What we often think is “our type” is the same person we have been chasing unsuccessfully, through one bad relationship after another, our whole life. Even if your type was a successful relationship in the past, you cannot repeat a relationship you once had with someone new. Unless you date outside your box you will never know if maybe someone different just might be your “type.”

When going over your wants, there is the numbers trap that we need to watch out for as well. Offline we often use the expression, “numbers don’t lie.” However the new culture of online dating, numbers often do lie.

For instance the harsh numbers of weight, height and age when in black and white may make a person appear unattractive to you online, who you would find very attractive offline.

When we meet people in person we don’t say,
How old are you?
How much do you weigh?
How tall are you?
How much money do you make?

In person someone may carry his or her height, weight or age off in a very attractive manner. But when you look at the numbers online you think too old, too heavy, too short, too tall etc and that simply may not be the case. You have the right to want what you want, but I tell you this so that you can allow yourself to look past the numbers and be more open.

If you’re not finding people that fit, try expanding your horizons. You are not making any long-term commitment when meeting people, so be open and meet more people and who you fall for might surprise you. So get out of your dating box and don’t restrict yourself. Allow the incredible opportunity of online dating to work for you. Contact and meet a lot of people and leave yourself open to the possibilities…

A beginner's guide to online dating

For many newcomers taking the first step into online dating may be daunting. With all the online dating services that are available now, how do you choose which is best for you? How do you get started? What's the best approach for messaging? What do you put in a profile? How do you guarantee your own safety? What are the best strategies for successful online dating? These are just a few of the questions new online daters face all the time. But with a bit of advice, practically anyone can find success in online dating. Here are a few brief tips:

One of the most important things for newcomers to dating online is which service to use. The first step in making this decision is to determine the specific needs that should be met by the dating service, and find websites that cater to those needs. For example, while some dating services cater specifically to casual encounters, some are designed to make matches for serious relationships only, while a few target people who are looking specifically for someone to start an affair with. Other important things to look for are price. For many people just starting out, free sites can be a good introduction to the online dating world that doesn't involve a financial commitment. It's also a good idea to browse around and see if the members who are already signed up for the site share similar tastes and interests.

Once an online dating service is selected, it's time to get started on creating a profile. Needless to say, profiles are a very important part of online dating. Members of online dating services find out about each other, and decide if they want to introduce themselves, based on the information in a profile. Because of this, its important to make a positive, truthful impression by keeping the information light and inviting. A good rule of thumb is to avoid any negative information in a profile whatsoever. The most important thing to include in a profile is a clear, smiling picture that focuses on the member's face.

After completing a profile, users can start messaging other members. The key to messaging is to make messages personable, friendly, and make it evident that the profile of the person being sent the message has been read. It's crucial to make the recipient feel as though the message sender is actually interested in them, rather than being one of many people who has been messaged. Respond to specific aspects of their profile and keep the message light and friendly. Also, remember to ask a question in the message to give the person something to respond to.

Finally, safety is one of the most important issues in online dating. It's crucial to remember not to include any personal or private information in the profile. Never divulge personal information like credit card numbers to anyone, and keep information like home address, email address and phone numbers confidential until you're completely comfortable and ready to. Meeting someone in person should also only be done with caution. Meetings should take place in public spaces, with all necessary precautions taken.

With these guidelines and tips, online dating can be a safe and successful endeavor for anyone. Most importantly, how you decide to proceed with online dating is completely dependent on personal comfort levels. Go at your own pace, never do anything you're not comfortable with, and remember to have fun!